(A Letter to The Excuse of a Father I use to have, no to The Devil, That is what he is!(not a Demon, the Devil!)
Why?!?! Why did you do those things? Why did you hurt me? Why did you want me to like what you did? Why did you M****t me? Why did You R**e me? Why did you Be*t me? Why did you neglect me? Why? Why did you do it? Why me? Why are you the way you are? Why couldn't you just keep your self under control? Why couldn't you just love my like a father is supposed to love his daughter? Why didn't you protect me, Why did you hurt me instead? Why did you want me to like what you did soo much? Why did you hate me? Why did you love the wrong way? Why?!?! WHY?!?!? WHY?!?!?! I WANT ANSWERS!!!!
How could you hurt me like that? How could you hurt me, this innocent little kid? How can you live with yourself? How could you take my innocence away like that? How could you not see my pain? How could you punish me for politely begging you to stop? How could you punish me so harshly for crying in pain? How could you Punish me for asking you what you where doing? How could you Punish me for hiding from you? How could you punish me, when I Didn't do anything wrong? How could you R**e Me? How could you M****t Me? How could you B**t me? How could you Cuss at me? How could you call me all of those names, that I Didn't even understand? Ho Could you Neglect me? How could Hurt me like you did? How could you want me to like what you did? HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF?!?! How can you live everyday, and not think about all those things you did to me? I was soo young, You where so big, so scary, I was horrified of you? How could you do all those things to me?!?!?! ANSWER ME!!!!!!! ANSWER ME NOW! I WANT ANSWERS!!! PLEASE ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!
You should have known better than to do those things! You Should have protected me NOT Hurt me! You, I'm talking to you, You where supposed to be my dad, Not the Devil! All I Wanted was for you to love me, like a parent is supposed to love their child! All I Wanted was the pain to stop! All I Wanted was to be able to play, and laugh and smile like a little kid. I Had to fake a smile and a laugh, Every single day of my life, since I Was Tiny! You should have been there for me! You Shouldn't have done the things you did! You Shouldn't have called me all of those names... I DIDN'T Even Know what they meant! You shouldn't have cussed at me! You should have let me bathe more... and BY MYSELF! You should have let me eat more food! You should have been a dad to me! You shouldn't have Hurt me! You Should have let me be just a kid, without a worry. You SHOULDN'T Have made me keep those secrets! You shouldn't have scared me to death with all of those threats of what you would do if I told! You should have let me be a kid! But NO You made me keep HUGE secrets, and because of you I Was CONSTANTLY worrying about things NO CHILD should worry about! And NO PERSON Should worry about! WHERE THERE OTHER LITTLE KIDS YOU HURT LIKE YOU HURT ME? HOW MANY?
What is your Excuse? I Want to her your excuse! What ever it is, IT WILL NOT BE A GOOD EXCUSE! THERE IS NO GOOD EXCUSE! I Just want to know what your reason is! I Hate you, But what I HATE even MORE Is what you did to me! My your own child!
Because of you, I Can't live a normal life! I Have so many things I Worry about! I RE-LIVE all the things you did to me in my head, I Can't Sleep, I Can't pay attention in class! I Struggle with my self image, I Struggle with my Self Confidence. It Is Hard for me to trust people. It Is REALLY Hard for me to trust men! I Can't let men get close to me! I Can't live a normal life, with little to no worries! I Can't just be me... You took SOOOOOO Many things from me! I can't just be me, You Wouldn't Understand that though... and Soo Many things remind me of you... AND what you did. To Me, You are NOT my father... I Have no Father! You Don't exist! Because of you I Can't even feel safe!!
No comments:
Post a Comment