Today 7-25-12

So today, my mom and I went over to her friends house to watch her baby quail eggs, and baby quail, and chickens while they where gone. They told me not to get too attached to the baby quail, and to not name them. well that didn't work, I Got attached to the quail, and named the two littlest ones, the littlest one is Anna, and the Second littlest one is Stephanie! My mom got kinda mad that I named them, but she wasn't too mad... and as soon as we got back home, my grandma tells me all of the things that she didn't do while we where gone, that she would like me to do... water the plant, do the dishes etc.... and she asked me what we (my mom and I) had for dinner, and then as I am on the computer typing, she starts trying to talk to me about nothing, its like I want to say "grandma will you please shut up! I'm trying to type, and can't you get of your lazy but while I'm gone and do things for yourself?!?!" but I would never say that, I'm not rude... I Never cuss, but I don't care if other people do... I only judge myself, and I need to stop judging myself! (according to my counselor I need to stop judging myself)... But  no worries, I Don't judge other people, they are only human, and if they make mistakes than that's fine! :) I was somewhat truly happy today... it kind of felt good! :) I'm NEVER happy, I have depression, and I'm always REALLY sad, etc. so it was a nice temporary change... It didn't last though... now I'm back home, and I feel like curling up into a little ball with my teddy bear and crying... but my mom would most likely see me and then she would want to know why I'm crying, and truthfully, I have A LOT of reasons to cry, but I really don't exactly know why I want to cry... but at the same time I am AFRAID to cry... When I was little and my dad would do things to me, and any other time while I was at his house, he would get really mad when I cried, and he would beat me until I would stop crying... I was soo TERRIFIED of him... It was really hard to stop crying while he was inflicting pain on me, and calling me things... okay well I can't type anymore, because if I do I WILL Cry and I'm going into a flashback...