Saturday, September 29, 2012

It was my fault... EVERYTHING


I told the devil when I was 3 that I didn't like boys, I liked girls... I don't remember everything I said. I didn't know how to explain how I was feeling, or even understand how I felt... But I tried to tell him. Well He got pissed, yelled at me, cussed at me, told me not to be Gay... I Didn't even know what Gay meant... Before I told him he was touching me and stuff... after he was done yelling at me, He Raped me (that was the first time.) and after that He kept raping me, and it got worse and worse, and worse... It was my fault, If I wouldn't have told him, he might have waited longer to rape me, he might have waited until I was a little older...  It was all my fault! </3 :'C 

Friday, September 21, 2012

I'm Gay

I told my mom that I was Gay this morning, and she said "how do you know?" so I told her... and then she said "You need to make sure that you aren't just taking the easy out of dealing with what happened to you, you still have a lot of stuff to work through. I'm not saying that what you're saying is wrong, I just want you to make sure, and you can't Really know for sure at this age anyways" then she got up and walked out of the room... I made mistakes in the past few days, but I learned from them, and in the process I helped someone... <3 I hope that he/she has a good life, and I wish him/her the best <3 It was good talking to him/her... I will worry about him/her.... and I hope that he/she knows that there are people there who want to help him/her weather or not he/she thinks so...  I hope she know that I'm sorry we can't contact each other anymore, but it's for the best... weather we want to accept that or not, we have to... <3 Kaylyn, have a good rest of your life! you have soo much to live for don't give up hope, stay strong, YOU WILL EVENTUALLY be ok! <3 HUGS <3 

Saturday, September 15, 2012

WoW!?!?!?!? Confused...

okay so my vice principle passed by me in the hallway and she said to me " You are doing good this year! I haven't seen you in my office yet this year with your drama, Keep up the good work!!" I am trying to figure out if I truly am dramatic... 2 of my friends say I am... one says I'm not, and the other says that I am sometimes, but when I am I have a reason for it... I'm so confused!! am I dramatic?  IDK!!!
:/ I flunked my social studies test :'C I'm soo mad at my self!! 
I am In Love <3 I hate myself </3 But I love him... so I will stay...
There are 4 people keeping me going <3, My Boyfriend... My School counselor Mrs.C, My friend, and my other friend <3... They are the only reason I'm still here... <3 </3 <3

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

:)

This guy I like asked me out <3 <3 <3 I sad YES!!! L) :) :D I think I'm in Love <3

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

:)

Mrs.C yesterday said that she doesn't want to see any cuts on me, and she doesn't want me to cut where she can't see either... and that made it that much harder not to, but I didn't... I wanted to and I didn't, because she asked/told me not to, and I want to respect what she asked, and because she Cares. :) where as P she doesn't care.... >:( she said I'm causing Drama, and I need to work on direct communication, I'm thinking WTF I communicate just fine!!! But I like Mrs.C soooooooooooo much more then P...

Monday, September 10, 2012

Today was VERY interesting... I repeat VERY!!!

OMG I want to punch my Counselor (p we will call her...) So I told my school counselor that I use to cut... because If I told her I still am she would have to tell my mom... But she was worried, and cares <3 and she said "I'm sorry to her that :( I don't want to see any cuts on you you, and I don't want you to cut where I can't see either, But I will help you, I'm here for you, I will help you find better ways to release your emotions, we will work together <3" and when I told P she said " and why do you want to stop cutting?" and she was all mean... and when I told P that I told Mrs.C she said " Why did you tell HER? what where you thinking??? What did you expect from telling Her? You know how you said you Hate Drama??? welll You are creating drama!! and Mrs.C and I are adults and we want nothing to do with drama! You telling her and I, and not letting us tell your mom is like drama! Why not tell your mom?" I said "It would hurt her, more then it would help me" she said" she seems like a very nice caring understanding person, and like she loves you, You know that's what sex offenders do, they put a web between a child and the mom, so that they can't talk... You need to need to have a healthy relationship with your mom. you have been keeping all these secrets, and you are letting them go now and that's healthy, now you just need to tell your mom... and on and on and on.... I just wanted to reach through the phone and punch her!!! It will take EVERYTHING I have to not do so on Tuesday the 18th the next time I see her...
 On the other hand my sister MIGHT be pregnant... 
 My Best friend and I figured out something super cool!!! I can't text, so she texted my E-Mail address, and we talk that way!!
 My other best friend Is awesome too his name is Kaylyn!!! :)

Thursday, September 6, 2012

My sister/ School...

My sister saw the 3 scars on my shoulder the other day... she said "what have you been doing?" and I said "the cat did it" and she just made a face, rolled her eyes and walked away... and then she was whispering to my mom... 

School... We had PBIS lessons all day today... :) :/ Yay... but they are boring... I saw one of the slides twice... because I tutor geometry 1st period then I have algebra 1  8th period... (PBIS = Positive behavior interventions support) 

In 8th period I got called to the counseling center at school (the cc)... so I went, and I did good good keeping my self calm on the way there!! My anxiety levels did rise tremendously... but not as much as they normally do. It turns out Debra our Counselling center Secretary just wanted to know if I would like to help a new student! :) I said I would Love to!! :) and then I asked Debra how her summer was and she said it was good, and she asked me how my summer was and I said that it was pretty good to begin with...  I told her about my trip to Florida... and we talked about how fast the summer went by. The whole time I was really shaky, and stuttering... I ate like 1/2 a cup of watermelon for breakfast... and nothing for lunch... so that's probably somewhat why... in class I could barely concentrate, and pay attention... and my vision was getting blurry... I was getting a little dizzy too... I've lost 4 pounds in the last 8 days... I saw Mrs.C and 
Mr.B too! :) 

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

First day of school!! :)

My first day of 8th grade was pretty good... I saw some of m,y old teachers.. :) and I like all of my teachers, I just got one teacher I don't really want, because his face looks kind of like my non existent dad's face... but I'll get trough the year... it'll be ok... I have 3 friends in that class, one of which is one of my VERY best friends!! <3 

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Excited... and scared...

First day of 8th grade in exactly 11 hours... wow... excited, yet almost dreading it a little... I get to see my friends though...

Sunday, September 2, 2012

I consider my Best friend my sister!! :) she is such a good friend! I'm glad I have her... She is a really good person! and without her being my friend... I might not be here... So Thank you to My Best friend/sister!! <3 Love ya!! In a friend kinda way...